If you do read my sidebar tweets on twitter (say that fast 5 times) you may be wondering “what the heck is going on in her brain?” with some of the things I put on there recently.
I mentioned I had something to tell you “later” about something that happened the “other night.”
So what was I talking about?
My son has been sleeping through the night at 5 weeks of age (this happened last week remember?). Yep. From 11PM to 5AM he slept. Which means I poked him every couple hours to make sure he was still breathing. It also means that he almost drowned in milk when he finally woke up to eat because it had been so long since his last feeding. TMI there if you have no idea what all happens with breastfeeding. Anywhoo… my sweet baby sleeps through the night. And as I type this he has done that every night since that first night.
And the broken heart tweet…
I may cry while typing this. Not that you can see but you can imagine. Or not.
I went shopping on Friday with Shayne and Cooper. Crazy I know seeing as it was “Black Friday.” It was in the afternoon so the major craziness was done. As we were shopping (at Target if you really want to know) I could see the wheels turning in her mind about all of the Christmas stuff and the deals and the people talking about gifts. I tell her “Let’s talk Shayne.”
We get out to the car.
“Shayne. Tell Momma what you think about all of this Christmas stuff. And Santa. And everything…”
“Well. You know I don’t believe in the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny.”
“Right. Mommy knows that.”
“BUT the spirit of Santa is real. Right Mom? That’s what you say.”
“You are right Shayne. I do tell you the spirit of Santa is real. Very real or you wouldn’t get any gifts. So the spirit of Santa is real.”
She looks up at me (we had stopped at a gas station and were standing outside the car) and says,
“but he’s not.”
“You’re right sweetie. He’s not. But Mommy and Daddy keep the spirit going.”
I have tears in my eyes. I could blame the cool wind for it but we all know that’s a lie.
“So Shayne…what else…this is a big…”
“ I know, I know. A BIG SECRET. Don’t tell anyone.”
“That’s right. NO ONE. We don’t talk about this to any of our friends. Or your brothers and sisters. Or…anyone. Okay?”
“Well….I can tell Daddy right?”
“Yeah baby. You can tell Daddy.”
I called Paul on the way home. I was crying. I know Shayne is almost 9. I knew she was going to figure it out. But…I wasn’t ready. Not about the finding out part. I wasn’t ready for her to loose that little bit of childhood. She can’t get it back. I’m not ready for her to be growing up so quickly. I want the sweet, chubby little girl that believed in everything.
Not the beautiful 9 year old young lady she’s becoming.
She does still believe in the spirit. She just knows it’s there because of Mommy and Daddy.
Yesterday when I was picking up around the house, Stormy and Connor were being…stinkers. Shayne wasn’t much better. So I said, “You guys better behave. Santa’s watching you.”
Shayne turned her head and looked over the couch cushions with a small grin on her face.